Why Merging Never Works

So, I've given this some considerable thought (pretty much every morning at 8:45 for the past year and a half), and I've decided I know why merging never works smoothly.
Firstly, let me just say that I understand it is a necessary evil. Without it, we'd end up with highways the size of Canada.
And I also understand that those lovely members of the Signage Industry have attempted to ease our pain as much as possible. Generally they give you 1,000 ft notice. Or, if they're feeling particularly generous, they may even give you an entire mile. Either way, I appreciate that they are trying to be considerate of our merging woes.
However, they have overlooked one crucial fact:
People are selfish and always in a hurry. Especially at 8:45 in the morning.
And of those selfish and hurried people, there are then two categories. They are as follows.

Type 1 - these are the I-Don't-Care-About-That-Sign-I-Just-Want-To-Keep-Moving-And-Get-To-The-Front-Of-The-Line people. These people are instant-gratification seekers and short-sighted. They lose sight of the big picture; they have tunnel vision, if you will. We'll call them Five-Year-Olds.

Type 2 - these are the I-See-The-Sign-Therefore-I'm-Going-To-Get-Over-Now-So-I'm-In-A-Lane-When-The-Other-One-Expires people. These people are sensible and long-term-minded and can see the grand scheme of things. We'll call them Sensiblites.

So, there you have it. The two types of people and their merging mindsets. And at first there is no problem. But as you get closer and closer to the infamous merge, two things happen. Firstly, the Five-Year-Olds finally decide it's time to get over. Secondly, the Sensiblites revolt. See, I failed to mention above that Sensiblites are also self-righteous and carry with them the "snooze-you-lose" attitude. And so the efficacy of the system gets thrown out the window as the Sensiblite becomes bent on nothing else but punishing Five-Year-Old for his stupidity. Because as soon as Five-Year-Old tries to get in Sensiblite's lane, Sensiblite has a conniption the size of Mount Vesuvius and starts screaming at the rolled up window, "OH! You want to get over NOW, huh? Listen, buddy, I've been in this lane for the last mile and a half, going slower yet remaining committed because I know this is the lane to be, all the while the likes of you are whizzing past me and trying to cut in front of the OTHER sensible people in front of me who have ALSO waited their turn! If you had just paid attention to the sign and gotten over in the mile the sign gave you, NONE OF THIS TRAFFIC WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!"
Sensiblite then proceeds to tail the fellow Sensiblite in front of her so that Five-Year-Old has no chance of getting in whatsoever. It's like the Pearly White Gates - there are no shortcuts or butting ahead of someone. Guess you shoulda been more big-picture-oriented and waited in line!

And there is some sort of vindictive, incredibly satisfying feeling that comes from shoving Five-Year-Old off the road into oblivion.

Maybe next time Five-Year-Old will reconsider his ways and deem it a GOOD IDEA to convert and become a Sensiblite. And yell all kinds of nasty things at other thick-headed Fire-Year-Old's.

And that, my friends, is why merging will never win itself a Nobel Peace Prize. Well....on second thought.....maybe that's not true after all. Apparently anyone can win one of those.

Which type are you?

And no, I don't need anger management, thank you very much ;)